When Darkness Was Attractive

The Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret, a master ring. To control all others. And into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life. One ring to rule them all.

Lord of the Rings is an epic fantasy-based tale that accurately portrays the lengths a narcissistic or psychopathic predator is willing to go in order to dominate what they perceive to be theirs. Now granted it’s pretty laughable to picture an individual commandeering an entire household’s supply of toilet paper, although it’s not funny when they replace the TP with the identities of people who live under the same roof.

My own mother was a malignant narcissist who actively manipulated others with grace and ease. But how? Well the funny thing about narcs (and psychos) is they seemingly have a magical sense of knowing just what to say, how to say it, when to say it, and whom to share it with. You see most people have a conscious and actively empathize with the world around them which means they’re incapable of applying foresight with intention and action. I.e. not many regular peeps go around laughing maniacally after having accomplished their plan of ruining another’s life while taking everything the victim held dear.

However, the formerly mentioned either lack a conscious or just shut out their feelings of guilt by tucking them nicely underneath that rug sprawled across the floor. Narcissists can feel guilt, remorse, and shame to some if not the same degree as conscious folks. Psychopaths on the other hand are entirely incapable of feeling those emotions and that basically means they can harm others without losing sleep. Hell, they might even enjoy it (if sadism is their cup of tea)!

Narcissism offered me power because I was raised by an accomplished manipulator for most of my life. I understood how I could always get what I wanted by having those around me do all of the leg work. I recognized how I could dissect an individual in order to exploit their weaknesses. I was told that I could have a family, a mother, and friends. I just had to submit to a darker part of myself that wanted to punish the weak, use the naive, and oppress the suffering.

All I had to do was tote the line and continue fueling the patterns that caused me to suffer for 23 years of my life. This is one of many reasons that I isolated myself for so long. I didn’t want to recognize those darker, dysfunctional parts for what they were. There was a monster inside of me and I didn’t want it to get out. I chose not to follow my “orders” and as a result I was severely punished for it. But life is precious, and I have no right to determine how someone will live theirs.

So that’s why I decided to sever any and all ties with narcissistic abuse both within and without! Nowadays I have a respect for darkness, though I care not for Evil – that is any act or force that knowingly or consciously causes harm to that which resides beyond itself. Live and let live, but let justice rain down around those who knowingly cause harm since they produce so much misery and suffering in a world that is already filled with so much pain. Peace.

 

Ladies and gents, the result from having gone No Contact…

Hey there, reader! My name is Aaron Carlisle and I’ve suffered from 23 years of narcissistic abuse and parental neglect, although that’s why I’m bringing these words to you this day. Read about the methods and techniques I’ve utilized to transform my version of Mordor into the Shire by checking out my newly published book entitled Practical Healing: A Guide to Restore Your Life. You’ll find that and more at my Spotlight page. Many blessings!

Aaron’s Spotlight

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