Have you ever seen someone in your wakened state who either looked like you, or resembled someone else from your life? Well that happened to me the other day – and boy oh boy was it crazy!
I was sitting at a cafe with nothing in mind besides writing, and all of a sudden I looked up to see a woman who looked exactly like my narcissistic mother. Except that it wasn’t her…
In fact, this woman was older than the narc in question because it’s nearly been a year since I went NC – not enough time for her to age to the point wrinkles coated her skin. Now worry not because this isn’t a message attempting to convey the importance of beauty or how the forces of entropy work to see that each of our bodies fade, but rather to highlight the importance of the experience altogether.
I didn’t flinch. Not even once.
Now was I completely serene and calm as could be? Somewhat, although curious is more befitting to describe what I felt. A compulsion to look upon a stranger who shared the complexion, mannerisms, clothing choice, drink, and magazines that fit my own narcissistic mother’s identity – at least as I remembered it.
There were times she looked up and our eyes met – time to look away! Now glance back – did she look? We’re in the clear…phew.
It was quite possibly one of the most riveting experiences as of late, for progress has most certainly been made if one can peacefully share space with another who looks like an abuser from the past. A spitting image of a symbol tied to hate, malice, toxicity, oppression, and death.
Yet comfort was found by knowing my life was rid of her destructive nature, both now and forever. Not bad coming from a guy who struggled with CPTSD for most of his known life. After all, it would be difficult for anyone to walk away from 23 years of abuse and neglect unscathed. Healing and recovery are possible.
Featured Image: The Daily Beast: Civil War Celebrity Lookalikes