So for the past week this writer has felt a numbness overtake his sense of feeling, and this simply indicated that something needed moved in order for the emotional current to continue flowing unimpeded. Now just what does that mean?
Well human beings are a lot like damns with how each hold back immense amounts of energy which is released steadily overtime to prevent the total collapse of the structure in question (body/damn). After all, a body or damn can only hold so much before either capitulate.
If that doesn’t resonate with ya due to scaling issues, think of the body like a shower drain. When the drain is clear of blockages, water flows without trepidation. Likewise when someone isn’t holding onto a stifling emotion (like grief, anger, etc.), other emotions can flow readily since an individual’s focus will not be directed towards feeding a particular feeling or experience that should have already passed.
How are you drawing a connection between emotions and water? Sure thing – water is fluid, ever-changing, and is nearly intangible in the sense one cannot grasp it in their hands so easily. Emotions are very similar since one’s mood can readily shift (envision a birthday celebration crashed by drug cartels) while emotions can be challenging to lock down or understand – i.e. draw connections between the emotion/action taken.
Plus, the moon is known to influence the tides. So if a celestial body can direct Mother Earth’s waterways, don’t ya think the same entity could influence our own bodies which are comprised of up to 60% water? People going crazy on full moon nights…
Not to mention the fact a narcissistic or psychopathic caretaker will groom their flock to repress emotions. After all, the sheep are required to play their part irrespective of how much pain they feel. This writer’s narcissistic mother trained him well to bury his emotions. How so?
Well I was hospitalized twice in high school because I suffered from fainting spells caused by Vasovagal Syncope. The diagnosis? Ineffective grieving!! So this writer knows full well how important it is to process emotions so one can live their life without being held back, which brings us to the numbing bit.
When a drain is clogged, you’ll notice water backing up along with slow or even nonexistent drainage. So what behaviors indicated I had an emotional blockage?
- Smiling? Hadn’t in days.
- Laughing? What’s funny, again?
- Crying? Nope.
- Randomly having verbal outbursts towards nonexistent offenders? CHECK
- Dreaming about physically hurting abusers from my past? CHECK
- Self-care becoming tedious? CHECK
Alright then – it’s safe to say the cheese is slipping off its cracker…
Or was! (that’s better) Why? Because I took steps to dislodge what was there. How? Sure thing – I actually combined three techniques I’ve used and developed over the years because I’ve had plenty of time to practice what works. (this all took place upon identifying the offenders which was simple enough because it’s hard to forget dreaming about smashing another’s face into the pavement)
- Started writing a letter to get all of the feelings out with the intention of burning it afterwards, although my cat decided to nap right on top of the paper. So then I napped with him because I didn’t feel (PUN) like finishing. Letter writing really helps though, but ya gotta do it without thinking about the process so emotions actually get out. No worries about what you write because no one can read a burnt/buried/flushed/ripped (get creative) paper.
- After a couple of hours went by (I was tired), I got up to head to work. During the car ride I verbally gave myself permission to release the feelings I had been holding onto. Seriously – “do the feelings associated with x,y,z want to be released?” YES “well thank you for all that you’ve done, although I’m ready to let you go so that you can live your lives as you see fit. Once again thank you, but I’m ready to move on” (immediately felt like a weight was lifted from chest/shoulders/mind noodle which led to breathing with that diaphragm raising as it should)
- Returned home from work and hiked through my local forest preserve. Night walks are fun 🙂 Found a good patch of Mother Earth to rest, kneeled on the ground with the butt resting on backs of feet, meditated for a second (went to happy place), identified the abusers and what I wanted to do to them (don’t worry, no arrests were made), and then placed my palms on the ground as I growled until I was screaming bloody murder. FUN TIMES (seriously, it’s great to be an animal)
The results? I spent 10 minutes laughing at my cat once I got home because I laid down to sleep and he decided to chew on a wrapper just because he could (it’s a noise thing, and he was literally doing it to get a reaction out of me – cats are funny like that). So I’d say that was pretty successful! I even jumped out of bed this morning to greet the day 🙂
So process those emotions and live your life because you’re worth it!
Many blessings 🙂
Ladies and gents, one template for processing rage…
Featured Image: hibike – Tumblr