And The World Never Stopped…

Hey there fellow readers! It’s been a couple of days and I assure you that everything has been A okay on this little patch I call home, although I did take the weekend off because I could. Why? Well I’ve been going strong (at least 1 post per day for the past couple of months practically), and I decided I wanted to breathe.

Not to mention the fact I’ve been learning to relax more upon realizing how much energy I was putting into this – it’s all good and no worries. So without further a do, let’s crack down a dream I recently had.

I honestly don’t remember all of the details, but I do recall a couple of important events (basically showing how the subconscious mind relays information through symbolism).

  • saw a gal with her legs wide open (barista from a local shop)
  • chased my narcissistic mother into my old childhood bedroom I lived in until the time my dad attempted to rape one of my sisters, at which point I moved to the room the dirty deed was perpetrated (really weird now that I think about it)

Now for the first bullet I won’t go into details because it’s completely unnecessary, although I will mention that nothing happened beyond me looking at a completely naked chica offering herself to me as I passed by. Woohoo! Down boy, down!

Why? Because she’s married. Oh…

I didn’t know she was married until I asked her out on a date about a month ago, at which time she rightfully turned me down. However, I was proud of myself for facing my fear by asking in the first place. The icing on the cake? I haven’t been weird about it, and both of us get along just fine without turning things awkward. In fact, her face lights up whenever she sees me now since she is aware of my attraction – not something I typically share with others (at least in the past).

So what’s the deal with the dream? Well to me it indicated my obvious interest in a woman who is unbelievably gorgeous and completely unavailable. Yee gads! Sounds like a conundrum. It was since a seedling of temptation was there. Oh no, here comes the shaming bit…

No, not really. I’m a monkey just like everyone else who has hormones rushing around their circulatory system as certain tissues take on the characteristics of the chemicals they find themselves exposed to – i.e. attraction is perfectly natural and okay, as long as it is acted upon within the bounds of reason.

As for this case? The consequences far outweigh the rewards involved because I have no business messing with a marriage, especially when there are plenty of AVAILABLE women walking around. Not to mention the fact I’m looking for a relationship because this hermit has been without love, companionship, and acceptance for quite sometime. I can’t tell you how wonderful it would be to hold a gal while she embraced me in kind.

There was a time when saying those words would have made me vomit! But in any case, the point is that I can’t create that with this chica (who even shares the name of my first girlfriend) because she’s already taken and that’s perfectly okay. My own narcissistic mother was married to my father, and she was still emotionally and physically unavailable…wonder where I got that programming to seek unavailable partners?

So it’s good I’ve recognized this because it allows me to nip the attraction in the bud before it becomes problematic. Plus, it’ll open doors for opportunities I would have missed otherwise…

As for the mother part of the dream? I chased her into my childhood bedroom I used for nearly 15 years. She was lower than me and fled underneath the bed as I reached to grab her. I then lifted the bed as she sat below my feet, groveling on the floor. She then transformed into my cat and I immediately stopped verbally abusing him.

Now what does that all mean? Well recently I’ve been working lots between writing and tending to the needs of my clients, so that hasn’t left a lot of time for me to spend at home with my baby. This in turn has caused him to be isolated as a result because he doesn’t have a companion, and to be honest it’s neglectful to leave an animal by themselves for extended periods of time.

I’m never gone for more than 10 hours at a time, although he has noticed a difference in play routines since we’ve been playing more often recently. In any case, I’ve also been checking my reactions whenever he tries to grab my attention if I’m working (I focus extremely well to the point everything else becomes background noise – if that even). I used to growl, yell, throw things, etc. to shoo him away (verbal abuse) even though he wanted to spend time with his daddy. Like father, like son.

He always has fresh water, a bowl of food, and a clean litterbox to use, but sentient beings like cats or dogs require more than basic necessities to thrive in life. I’m glad this is all coming out now as opposed to when I have children of my own…

So whenever he meows or paws me while I’m working, I ensure to reach out with gentle hands that extend love instead of thrashing him with my words. His response? He’ll rub his face against me numerous times as his motor boat starts (purring). Plus, he’ll keep pushing his back into my hands as they move across his body – a cat will lower itself from your touch if it wants nothing to do with you. Not to mention the fact I haven’t even been showing anger towards him for being mischievous by knocking water glasses over, or opening all of the cabinets in the kitchen.

Why get mad? After all, he’s just being a cat…

Progress is as progress does. See that? Y’all can heal and change the patterns that afflicted your lives just as much as they’ve touched mine.

Many blessings.

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Featured Image:The-Mad-Shipwright (Deviant Art)

 

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4 comments

  1. Great post…Loved the honesty..Sorry to hear you fell for a married woman..and yes it is exactly as you said..We are taught to go for unavailable people, because that is the ‘type’ of relationship we witnessed growing up..All of my ex boyfriends were unavailable before my husband..I was too scared to be ‘fully’ intimate, as I had never seen real intimacy at home growing up..So every ex had a sex addiction, was narcissistic or just emotionally unavailable for other reasons..It took a lot of hard work in therapy to not run for the hills when my now husband first showed interest me..
    He was unfamiliar (stable, loyal, wanted a future etc) and my anxiety was through the roof..It took me 2 years to start feeling more grounded with him and to not expect our relationship to fall apart because of my fear..Now after 4 years, I still feel worried at times but generally I am finally in a happy, loving, mutually respectful relationship! Hoorah!
    I really wish the same for you too..
    My advice would be to give the ladies you wouldn’t usually go for an extra look..Sometimes unfamiliarity is good..attraction can also come with time..I wouldn’t go for the women you are instantly ‘hot’ for..The more addictive a woman might feel, the more I would say ‘be cautious’ as this means you are maybe attracted because she is unavailable..
    In regards to your dream..Yikes! I had a really messed up dream about my narc dad last night which was horrible…That he was even nastier than real life and told someone he would happily watch me die! .Our mind takes time to heal from all the craziness!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your response because I can’t express how wonderful it is to hear that you’ve managed to lock down a balanced relationship.

      Good to know it’s possible 🙂 and the advise really helps too because I’ve been told the same in the past to go for a chick I’m not falling over since they’ll be more what I’m looking for.

      I’m just glad we can heal…I thank everything for the opportunity to grow when we had none before. Many blessings 🙂

      Like

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