So lately I’ve experienced some very big disappointments in regards to relationship building, although I haven’t been resorting to the old self-destructive tendencies I used to employ as a result from not achieving what I hoped to accomplish. I.e. raging, moping, or dragging my feet as I await for another to change their views of me as opposed to simply moving on by changing the direction of my sails. So what happened?
The second girl I set a date with didn’t show up! She also ignored my text wondering whether or not she was running late, but everything worked out because I still had a great evening playing my first round of bar trivia with a bunch of older women.
Plus I managed to stay present even when I got a little down when an hour went by and I realized she wasn’t there. So all in all, I was disappointed but didn’t lose my marbles on account that the evening didn’t turn out like I thought it would – a night with talking and laughs that would lead to a second date. Oh well!
I also tried reaching out to a couple of family members the other day because these two were fairly cool when compared to the rest of my former cohorts who were riddled with dysfunction as much as I was since I was raised around them. The result? Well they thought I was a telemarketer since they didn’t recognize my number, and then they showed little receptivity and basically questioned why I was reaching out to them.
So I left it at – just treat this engagement (text conversation) as me simply dropping in to say hey.
I then attempted to email a former acquaintance I had known for many years, but they also gave me the cold shoulder.
Plus I got rejected by another girl I’ve been contemplating whether or not to ask out since she’s shown interest in the past, although it’s another case of me showing indecisiveness as opposed to just running with an opportunity.
Needless to say, I’ve been feeling as though I’m an island surrounded by an ocean of people who don’t know me on a personal basis. It’s all good though because I’m not gonna stop until I find someone, somewhere, someplace who accepts me.
Now granted I’ve also been meditating more recently, and reflecting has really helped me gain a better understanding of old issues causing me grief in the present. So what would those be?
Well it comes down to this singular principle:
- You reap what you sew!
Oh well that seems a little harsh…
Well it’s really not because the people who are giving me the cold shoulder now have their own reasons to do so, and a lot of those reasons have everything to do with my lack of giving, lack of presence, lack of warmth, lack of sincerity, lack of kindness, and lack of anything and everything that adds to a relationship.
Now is that to say I’m doomed for the rest of this life? The short answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT. Thank goodness for that because I want to enjoy the life that was given to me, and I especially want to enjoy the life I’m creating here and now instead of having to fall short because the first 23 years were rough.
So what must I do? Well I have to be open – does that mean share my heart with everyone and everything around me? Nope! But it does suggest that I need to show kindness, gentleness, understanding, patience, and a willingness to speak to everyone I come within close proximity.
So what does that amount to? Simply saying hello to strangers, waving and smiling, asking how people’s days are going, asking open ended questions, and so on. Now granted some of you might be thinking that all sounds reasonably simple, and it is. Most of you might even do that on a regular basis if you have friends, family, or even acquaintances you see regularly. But it’s a different story altogether if you’ve been on your own for a few years.
The point is that one cannot expect to accomplish anything in life if they repeat the same actions over and over again while expecting to get a different result. The point also includes the notion that one cannot accomplish much if they remain still…
So here’s to moving forward and embracing a world in which my dominate thoughts compel me to speak to people, while recognizing how my reticence to interact (despite those empowering thoughts) is a CHOICE that can easily be altered as long as I listen to my intuition. After all, saying hello and asking how someone is doing (that I don’t see regularly or even sometimes do) is perfectly reasonable and won’t get my head severed…
In any case, today’s blip was just a reminder that people struggle with these things. I know I have, but I know I’m fully capable of overcoming these maladaptive behaviors of hermitry! I can do this, and so can you (if you’re in a similar boat that is…)
Featured Image: Cathy McClelland – The Hermit