Have you ever been asked a question you didn’t want to address or even know how to answer? Well I recently bumped into a couple of peeps from my past life who asked me the one question I’d prefer NEVER to be asked, let alone be placed in a position where I’d have to answer so as to not come off as a Biggus Dickus. So what’s the question?
How’s your mother doing?
I’d love to say “I’m not quite sure, so why don’t you ask her yourself?” Although, I know that would inevitably lead to probing questions and senseless judging from individuals who haven’t the slightest clue as to why I needed to sever ties with the woman who carried the label of “mother” simply because she pushed yours truly out of her body. Let’s be honest – just because someone donates an egg and/or sperm doesn’t mean they’ll raise ya…
To be honest I’d prefer to be catapulted out of that situation altogether because talk about awkward turtle! Now in all honesty it’s no else’s business whom I connect with throughout my temporary stay on Mother Earth, but ugggh! Can’t we just leave the questions to “how are you doing today?” or “what have you been up to?”
In any case, most people stick with their families regardless of how functional or dysfunctional they are because that’s how most people know how to function. I.e. stick with the group in order to increase the likelihood they’ll survive that which life throws at ‘em! But what if that family is more life-draining than life-supporting?
Well I’m probably not telling y’all anything new, but some people who have nothing to do with said family will feel inclined to pressure any deserters to return in order to “work things out.” BECAUSE clearly the issue MUST be with the one who jumped ship as opposed to contemplating the idea that some people are just rotten, no matter what label they wear.
Is this ranty? I feel like I’m ranting even though there’s little reason to do so, although I know the interactions bothered me enough to write about this in a ranty tone. I guess it all comes down to my experiences with a “family friend” right before I decided to go No Contact… (we’ll call them D)
I used to watch D’s dogs and tend their plants when they’d leave for vacation or any other time they’d be gone long enough to justify asking me to help. Long story short, D thought it necessary to “fix” the relationship I had (or what was left) with the malignant narcissist who claimed to be my mother.
Never mind the fact she constantly told me how I would turn out just like my sperm donor – a depressed alcoholic who attempted to rape one of my sisters before being thrown out of the house to stalk the family, and then committed suicide by popping pills in a local cemetery. Sounds like motherly love to me! Can you see why I left? That’s not even including the bouts of triangulation, gaslighting, temper tantrums, and just plain ‘ole turdliness she conveyed in order to show her LOVE for yours truly.
D would always respond with “but she’s your MOTHER!” Needless to say, D was left to sink with that ship because NO ONE – let me repeat – NO ONE is in a position to dictate who SHOULD be in your life or not. Particularly when they’ve abused you because all that will accomplish is to make one feel guilty or shameful for having jumped ship in the first place.
So what’s my point?
WE ARE BORN ALONE, AND WE DIE ALONE.
A relationship is NOT worth maintaining if it compromises one’s ability LIVE and GROW.
So ya know what? I would love for my estranged family to enjoy their lives to the fullest without having to experience stress or hardship. Good gasp!
Am I serious? YES. I’m living my life in order to grow, expand, and enjoy the fruits of my labor. So why wouldn’t I want that for them? The ONLY thing I WANT from them is to leave me out of their picture entirely because I’m not willing to compromise my well-being to uphold their drum beat.
I know those peeps didn’t mean anything by “how’s your mother doing?” But damn, I really wish I’d never have to hear that again!
In fact, I’d prefer to hear the Sound of Silence…
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