Habits are wonderful if they’re constructive and ultimately promote the well-being of you and that which surrounds you. However, bad habits can be about as hard to break as good ones are to develop. So what’s the deal? Here we go…
Recently I bumped into a neighbor at my complex’s pool, and we seemed to hit things off well enough that we hung out a couple of times. Now in the past I’ve always experienced difficulty relating to others because I was never really given a proper template from those who raised me. Not to mention the fact it’s difficult to start from scratch when you’re in your twenties, but needless to say I’ve been making progress in regards to engaging most people I see regularly in my community.
Baby steps. I.e. crawling inevitably leads to walking, which means I’ll be running marathons at some point. At least that’s the plan…
In any case, this wonderful habit of mine has always resulted in me closing myself off to relationships of any and all sorts. So what’s the habit? Well it basically equates to scarcity thinking, as well as how a part of me feels unworthy to be around others. After all, my motto is “all relationships are temporary.”
Some of you might be thinking “well there’s your problem right there! How can you expect to develop relationships if you expect them to fade away at some point?”
True. But I also know that each and every one of us is privileged to be alive because death could take us at any moment. How depressing! Well not really because the time spent together is to be enjoyed and not taken for granted since it is fleeting. I.e. relationships are growth opportunities to be cherished while they last, but don’t hold your breath because you’ll die sooner rather than later.
Back to my scarcity thinking. As I’m writing this, a thought is literally swimming around my mind noodle as the words “it would be easier for me to hear someone say they’d prefer never to see me again as opposed to let’s meet up.” I mean damn…
Well I made plans to meet with my new acquaintance before this past weekend, and I spent an entire day struggling with feelings of anxiety and fear regarding them blowing me off. That is until I asked myself aloud “what am I feeling right now?” At that point I realized I was highly uncomfortable because I was feeling anxious and fearful, and that’s when I realized I had thoughts running around the mind noodle.
Those thoughts basically said “they’ll cancel, they don’t want anything to do with you, and they’re repulsed by you.” Once again, pleasant thoughts! However, they were soon accompanied by images flashing in my head of my acquaintance blowing me off. So how did I respond?
For the first time EVER, I rejected those thoughts by literally saying “I reject that because there is no way for me to substantiate those claims, and I have no confirmation of such baseless accusations.” This in turn caused my mind to quiet down before I took a moment to release my feelings by saying “I release these feelings.” Simple but effective.
Now in the past those thoughts and feelings were allowed to run amok as I tried denying their presence, and ultimately struggled to the point I would run with their program in order to evade a calamitous storm that would inevitably rage beyond remorse. I.e. I would throw up my hands before jumping ship and leaving the relationship to wither before it even had a chance to blossom. This was especially true for any and all relations that were developing a little too well. (functioning)
So I came out of that mine field with a raised chin and enthusiastic demeanor as I looked forward to seeing my acquaintance at the onset of the weekend. BUT, they ended up canceling…LOL
I’m not entirely sure if I was the sole cause of their decision considering how my thoughts didn’t really help the situation, and before you ask – YES thoughts WILL impact one’s outcomes in any endeavor. I also know it was their choice to cancel, so I’m slightly kidding when I say “if I was the sole cause.” Now granted something legit did come up for them, but that gave my mind another reason to pull away.
With that being said, I see the situation as a growing experience which has allowed me to recognize my limiting thoughts – both before and after the weekend – and how I could never relate to someone with those little buggers running around the mind noodle resting between my temples. I’m not sure what will happen between us, although I’m rejecting any limiting thought while simultaneously being open to the notion we will and can enjoy each other’s company.
Habits can be changed. It’s difficult to see an alternative when we continue stepping to the beats we’ve always followed, but that alternative can be the difference between continuing to fail or embracing success.
Many Blessings and Love!
Ladies and Gents, let’s [Steal] the Show
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