Healing can occur and will unfold overtime, but you must allow yourself to heal without expecting immediate results because you will only be setting yourself up to meet expectations that more than likely cannot be met in a reasonable time or manner. Be patient, step forward, and don’t look back. Find balance, develop harmony, and your life will improve overtime.
Always remember that you are strong, powerful, and beautiful.
Howdy folks! I hope everything has been going well in your lives because I know I’m thankful for how things have been developing for me 🙂 So I know it’s been a while since we last spoke, and I figured it’d be a good time for me to share what I’ve been up to as of late.
In my last post I talked about how I successfully performed an act while meditating that allowed me to “free” my voice box, which had been muted for quite sometime because my malignant narcissistic turd for a bio-mother groomed me well to keep my mouth shut. Why? Well toxic people hate it when their victims cry out to others because they’ll face the possibility of being recognized for what they really are: abusive pricks who get their rocks off from inflicting psychological, emotional, physical, or spiritual abuse. Or any mix of the aforementioned, obviously!
Well I’ve only been improving since then because I’ve gotten to the point I now say what I want, when I want, and direct it to whom it concerns without regard to how they respond. Now granted I don’t go out of my to be a dick, so there’s no concern (personally or otherwise) that I’ll intentionally use this newfound confidence to tear others apart. Why? Well I’m not psychopathic or narcissistic, and I’m still highly empathic to the point I show proficiency in picking up on the emotional and mental currents of those around me.
In summation, this development has allowed me to establish healthier boundaries with those around me since I’m no longer feeling the tug and pulls from those nasty feelings called shame and guilt for denying others my time, energy, or attention. After all, anyone raised by a narcissist will know that all too well. That is the need to service the needs of others before your own, or else you won’t be valued or cherished as a good little slave!
Believe it or not (for those who don’t know), it can be extremely difficult for those traumatized by narcissists or psychopaths to stand up for themselves. So there was a time when a client could ask me for something, and I would feel a massive storm of emotional frustration within me to oblige them unless I wanted to risk upsetting them. Now granted them being upset may ultimately equate to them experiencing momentary disappointment, but even that would be associated with a redirected (internalized) shit storm declaring self-incompetence and imperfection since I hadn’t met their needs.
So what did my internal reaction resemble when a client asked me to take a detour from their home in order to check out something that interested them, even though we’d already met our objectives in a four hour period after I’d already worked a 14 hour day? It was quite calm! In fact, I focused on the reality that I was exhausted and wanted to return home to my bed so I could watch a couple of YouTube videos before catching some shut eye.
I then told them “we’ll do that another time because it’s late (10pm), I’ve worked 14 hours already, and I need sleep because I’m exhausted.” Their response? Silent for a moment coupled with a lowered head, both of which were quickly followed up with a big yawn after saying “I’m pretty tired myself.” I then dropped them off and returned home to throw myself onto my bed.
That was it! No guilt. No shame. No self-blame. Just a simple conclusion based and met off the fact I connected with my feelings and intuitive wish to grab some shut eye. Now some of you might think – so what, big deal! And for you I say…
But for those of you who have difficulty developing and/or maintaining boundaries, I promise you that it’s totally possible to treat yourself when you’re running on low fumes. Why? Because we can’t be of service to those who need us when we haven’t even met our own needs 🙂 I have more examples because this is honestly becoming a daily phenomenon, but I’ll let you go because you have your own needs to meet 🙂
Cheers and Blessings!
Ladies and Gents, We Are the Unbroken!
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